the myth of romantic love

Have you ever felt that insane I-miss-you-all-the-time-and-can’t-stop-thinking-about-you feeling?

Yeah, me too.

When you first start seeing someone you really like, it’s like you temporarily lose your mind every time they take more than 5 minutes to text you back. You want to be around them all the time. You feel more powerful, and the world becomes a less-terrifying version of itself.

You love this person, right? That’s what that is… right?

Um. Well, not really.

Okay but what about that feeling when someone becomes a part of your story? You’ve been around one another for long enough to have learned the quirks and intricacies of your personalities. You are companions through life, sharing space and time together.

Now, that’s love… right?

Again, not quite.

We have a problem in American English. We use the word love to describe too many things. We love coffee, and we love our partners. We love Queer Eye, and we love our families. And then we get confused, watching movies where that “I’m on drugs because we’re together!!!!” feeling is love. And then we talk to older couples who say that long-term companionship is love. Of course we are confused. We are overloaded.

So how do we know what the right definition of love is?

I happen to believe that there is no black/white concept. I might subscribe to one idea, and you may to another. The important thing is that we are clear for ourselves and can communicate to the people around us what we believe in.

So today’s episode is an exploration in expanding the lexicon of love.

I talk about the psychology of falling in love, a concept called cathexis, and offer an interpretation of what love is, based on the teachings of M. Scott Peck. (Oh I also reference this podcast.) The whole idea is to get you thinking about these things in a new way, so you can come out of your internal-hurt-bubble-of-fear, and move with courage and compassion in your relationships.

This episode is a lot. Feel free to hit pause & rewind, and you may want to have a notebook out. Hit me with questions below or in my email.