how to own your mistakes

I make mistakes all the time.

I say the wrong things. I mess up on projects or assignments. I operate with un-enlightened thinking. Folks, I make mistakes all the time. I’m not an expert in owning them, but I have been doing some deep learning about it in the past couple of years. Here’s what I know:

First, there are embarrassing moments and there are mistakes. With the embarrassing moments (accidentally sending your crush what you meant to text your best friend… about your crush), they are invitations to become less serious and more sincere. The embarrassing moments are endearing moments that expose our humanity, so just lean on in to that. Give yourself a bit of self-love and be sincere about it. Laugh into it and laugh right on out of it.

Then, there are the whoppers. There are the times when you really hurt someone with your words, or when you cost your business money, or when you fail an exam or class. These are the mistakes that burn.

• The first step is just to clear it emotionally. Before you do anything else, get quiet and go inside. Honor yourself for making the mistake, for feeling defensive about it, for wanting to get angry at yourself. Surrender the mistake to your inner guidance system to be reorganized, and release the self-hate. Only from this state can you…
• Open a dialogue about it and own what’s yours to own. Yep, so this means apologize. Dig deep and empathize with the other side… what are they experiencing? Did your words/actions trigger them? Apologize in a way that helps them understand you are approaching this with humility and compassion. An apology is not “I’m sorry you experienced my words as offensive” and never uses the word “but.” You are owning what’s yours to own, not assigning them ownership of something else. That’s another conversation for another day. An apology also isn’t fishing for validation: “I’m sorry I’m so terrible.” Your apology is about making an offering of compassion to the situation.
• Check with them to make sure the dialogue feels complete and then move on. When you move on, you give them permission to move on, too. Don’t keep trying to open the wound with the other party.

Taking ownership is some of the toughest stuff we get to (yes, it’s a privilege) work on, ever. But it’s a gift for our growth.
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